Of Love and other Disasters !!!

This post is a serious contemplation of my perspective on Love, Life and Relationships..
This thought has arisen due to a conversation with an 'old friend' of mine, from my school days. And it has really made me think in both directions.

I need not refer to me. And you need not always refer to the reader here.

I am the sort of person, who thinks a husband-wife relationship to be the most sacred and highest dimension of a relationship. I always believe, that there should never be any sort of secret between a married couple. No matter how trivial the secret is. Keeping secrets, according to me, is a breach of trust. So I would assume, that if I have made any mistake in my past, perhaps professionally, or maybe in any relationship, I will (have) to tell it to my partner, so as to keep up the trust, and at the same time, get her love in return.

I always believe, that a Man without secrets is, perhaps the easiest to love.


There are no complications, and therefore, no hard feelings. Now, what If I did not tell my wife, all my secrets, would she love me less ? Well, she would (and she should) only if she knew that I had secrets, in the first place. Isn't it ? So, if I never told her about my past, she will never come to know about it (Now, that's an assumption) and hence she will continue loving me, all her life, and be satisfied with that. But what about me ? Being a man, with a no-nonsense attitude, a shitload of ego and male chauvinism, and with high level of 'so called' commitment, It will definitely hurt me, not to tell the truth about my dark past. I can get away with it, if I don't tell her, but what If I do ? Will I continue to get the same 'quantity' of love ?

Here is an example. Let us say, X fell in love, with a girl, (lets call her Girl_1) and the relationship goes on for some years. Then, for some reason, Girl_1 decides to split up with me, though X is not willing to. But Split up it is. Now Girl_1 is all over X, and is now moving ahead in life. And X is struggling to cope up with the break-up. Now, after some years, X decides to get married. And being the man X is, he is not willing to keep the secret of his past away from his would-be life partner. The girl (Girl_2) listens to his past, finds it silly and accepts him for all that he is.

Now here are the million dollar questions :-

1.) Did X do the right thing, by 'confessing' his past to his Girl_2 ?
2.) Did Girl_2 accept the guy out of sympathy ?
3.) Would Girl_2 actually feel flattered by the fact, that her Price Charming, actually 'fell in love' with someone else, and now was ready to marry somebody else ?


A couple of years Fast Forward.

Now, a couple of years later, the Girl_2, realises that X was never actually 'in-love' with her, but only with Girl_1. She realises that all the while , X could never forget Girl_1, and was still pining for her, though he never openly expressed it. She decides to split up with him, though she actually is in love with him, as she wants him to be happy. Though she knows that X can never be happy, because his love is now unattainable. So what should she do ? Accept X with all his misgivings and move on with life ?

4.) Did Girl_2 actually make a mistake by accepting X ?
5.) Would X have done the right thing, if he had hid his past and never breathed a word about it, all his life, and suffocate within ?


My 'old-school' friend says, that X in the first place, need not have told Girl_2 the whole thing at all. She is probably not going to be interested in his past. After, all they are going to live their lives in present and future, not the past. Hence, he should have avoided the whole embarrassing episode. Moreover, if after marriage, X keeps thinking about Girl_1 or comparing Girl_2 with Girl_1, he is still insulting Girl_2 and making a mockery of his marriage with Girl_2.

If you think, I am going to answer all the quesions, Sorry !! You are mistaken. I am just trying be on both sides at the same time.

Of Love and other disasters... What an Irony !!!

P.S: - The old school friend, who inspired me to write this post, is celebrating his/her birthday today... Best Wishes for the day buddy... !!! Don't forget... India - 2012. :) :) :D

Saturday, October 31, 2009 by Hari
Categories: , , , , , | 6 comments

Comments (6)

  1. I feel there is no need for a person to share his past with his spouse. He should not try to know about his wife's past, as well. Past is a private thing. So, it's prudent to keep it private. But, post marriage, both should be a open book for each other - Anand.

  2. Anand...if past is related to present...or past is interfering the present...even though its private(according to u)...it has to be shared...rt?

    how do u knw abt our partner completly until n unless u know abt him/her past...rt?

  3. @Anand - first of all, thanks for reading my blog and commenting.

    @Sujit - Anand, is Anand Dattadri, not Anand Bardwaj :) ..

    I kind of agree with Anand, and also with Sujit. You know it's a dilemmical situation. I am on both sides at the same time...

    But it is really interesting to understand your reactions to this.. Thanks a lot folks...

  4. Hi sujit,
    One requires some amount of maturity to accept the past love life of his/her spouse. I believe that generally people lack that maturity. Hence, I feel, it is better to keep it private.

    The probability of the spouse "getting to know" about one's past life is remote. If it happens, then it can be tackled at that stage. Further, the bond & love a married couple have over each other, goes on increasing with time. So, the spouse will be in a better position to forgive & accept his life partner, say, after 2-3 years. But, definitely, he/she won't have the magnanimity to forgive & accept on Day 1.

  5. Thala .. Pineeteenga... !!!! :)

  6. Well.. its difficult to generalize. In my opinion, a couple should definitely let each other know that they had a relationship/s, but should refrain from discussing details unless extremely necessary. I wouldn't really want to know how my husband enjoyed with his "ex", neither would a guy (I don't know if there are any exceptions :) )

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