Of Orkut and Unspoken Words ...

Yesterday I had the below statement as my Orkut Fortune :-

"Why don't you send a scrap today to someone you haven't spoken to in years?"

This line stirred up a lot of emotions in me, love, longing, hatred, anger, disappointment, though not necessarily in the same proportions. There are many people, with whom I haven't spoken to in years. Some, I've chosen not to, Some, though I am inclined to, it is at their behest I haven't spoken. And some, because we have mutual feelings, though not always love.

Here goes the list of my top 5:-

#5 - This bespectacled guy was perhaps the brainiest of the guys in my class. I adored him, though he never knew, and I never bothered to show. He mixed with guys whom I actually didn't like, hence he ended up losing my respect. Frankly speaking, he had and still has a lot of grudges on me. I have, according to him, taken away a number of chances, that he deserved. Namely one such incident is, when both of us got an opportunity to see the President of India, and he was sent back, as I had come. He cried that day, all the way to his home. But trust me, I had no hand in this. Me consoling him, will only fuel to the fire. There are a number of other incidents, but right now, these will suffice. He is on orkut and and on my gtalk, but I haven't chatted with him in years. When he sent a friend request on orkut, I added him as an acquaintance, not even as a classmate.

#4 - This bespectacled girl, was a true gem, and I liked her from the beginning. But she was more like 'I don't give a damn about you', and hence, she lost my respect. She was studious, and arrogant, and 'my type', but unfortunately we couldn't stand each other. I remember, she having insulted me, for supposedly making a comment about her, when in fact, it was one of her friends, who made that comment. She defended that friend of hers, and gave me a dressing down, and I decided to have my vengeance. And vengeance, I did get. Oh Yes !! In style. When things were not so rosy for her, and she was being questioned for an offence,which was done in jest, but taken very seriously by the staff, I had all the freedom in the world, to get up and fight for her. But I didn't. She cried, and I felt that I've had my revenge. At that time, it felt like seventh heaven. Haven't spoken to her properly in years. She still avoids me, and I have no regrets at that.

#3 - This was another bespectacled girl from college. She once spoke up during one of the soft skills sessions and I literally fell for her. She was again 'my type'. :). Nothing personal though. She came really really close to becoming my second best friend.. (Yes !!!.. My BFF, if you are reading this... ) But then, this silly girl's friends, began to tease her with me, leading to am embarassing situation for her. She began to avoid me slowly, on the pretext that her friends didn't approve of our friendship. I felt very awkward, as usually I was the one, who never went into odd relationships. I chose my 'friends' with a lot of caution. Finally one day, she called me up to say, that she does not want to talk to me again. It's been close to 6 years since she's spoken with me. And I still feel bad, that maybe I ruined this relationship.

#2 - Again another semi-bespectacled girl from my school.(I seem to be liking all bespectacled people :) ) To tell the truth, she was my first crush. I guess I was her crush too. Years later, when we met in the same company, we were both thrilled to be in each other's company. I came to realise that she was suffering from a break-up and gave her all the support that she required. After some days, she thought (and I completely agree with her thought, as it would have looked that way, for any other girl in her position), that I was trying to hook up with her, and gave me a dressing down, though in reality, I was just trying to help her cross the Rubicon. I was trying to get her self-confidence back on track but instead, I got looked down upon as scum of the earth. Absolutely no regrets about what she thought about me. This was one relationship, that went bad.

#1 - This was a bespectacled boy. From the same school, we studied in the same college, We joined the same company, Went to the same training location, Got posted to the same Development centre, and sat two cubicles away from each other. We sat in the same bench in school. Sat next to each other in college. Our roll-numbers were in succession. I literally considered him to be my big-brother. Then what happened ? What went wrong? Trust. I trusted him blindly. I thought, I was his best friend, I held him in high respect. He was like my role-model. My Icon, and he betrayed me. Betrayal is a strong word, yet I am willing to use it. what he did was equivalent to a betrayal for me. Been more than 4 years since we spoke to each other.. No regrets.

There goes my list of top 5.
What's yours.. :) :D

P.S:- Feels like a big load has gotten off my shoulders.. though there is nothing in reality like that...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 by Hari
Categories: , , , , , , , | 6 comments

Comments (6)

  1. Intense Post. "No regrets" caught my eye frequently! You are one straightforward, sensitive person. Anybody with any doubt should read this...

  2. Thanks for reading the post Shiv. Yes.. I am very sensitive... I don't know.. it's in my blood I presume.. I have high expectations from everybody.. and I simply cannot do anything about it... I guess I've learned to live with it.. :) :D

  3. ok..think i can guess who all thoses people are...thouch number 2 i believe u did regret??

  4. Not anymore I guess... I've sometimes felt sorry for that relationship... I mean, what else can you ask for, when your first crush literally comes back to you... But I still don't think, I ruined that relationsip (typical Hari here).And I follow my age-old tenet, as always.
    'Do unto others, as Others do unto you!!'

  5. Sorry da..I meant number 4. U did regret that.

    4yrs since u spoke to #1?? seriously??

    and i was expecting to see some more people on the list like V and P.

  6. Ah... #4.. Yes... I did regret... She does try to avoid me, even now.. :) though i called her up yesterday to inquire about something really serious...

    yes, its more than 4 years... #4 and #3 happened almost one after the other... it was very difficult to cope up with it.. but I did... If you've survived Z(school) you can survive even the holocaust.

    Hmm.. V and P ?? Of course, they do deserve such a post... But you think i will rank them among lesser mortals.. :)

    More on them ...coming up very soon... :)

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