My Code is Red !!!

You must have heard of CodeRed !!!

This one's a tad different. I am planning to make a movie out of it and I am sure it will be a super duper hit, owing to the fact that It will be first released in India, which according to my estimates has the largest number of software engineers in the world.

The inspiration for this story comes from a guy in my current project, who keeps crying Wolf!!! Er.. I mean Code Red ! Every single thing, according to him, is a CodeRed and needs to be resolved ASAP.

My Code is Red is actually three stories, told as three ones.

The first story is the story of a coder, who has been taught that there are only two types of code. One is the Good Code, that Runs as per the Test Cases, fulfills every single idiotic check that can be done and satisfies the LLD (Low Level Requirements), and the other is the Bad Code, that passes all the test cases but fails only one test, that the tester has overlooked. And inevitably, that will be the first test that the program would have to face on its pilot run at client environment. It is the Bad Code that creates 98% of all problems in the world and must be removed at all costs.If you are wondering why the good code creates the 2% of the problems.. no.. the good codes are good codes (I know, that sounds cliched), but its not the good codes that contribute to the 2% but bad coders !!! They are villains like the infamous sentinel programs in Matrix, who must be destroyed from within.

Having this idea in mind, the coder joins India's Second Largest Software company, with the aim of eradicating the bad code. The company gives him adequate training and brings him into the production.

P R O D U C T I O N !!!!

The 10 letter word that is every Fresher's delight and every Software Engineer's bane.

Oh..!! I forgot to tell.. Fresher is the one who does coding, on projects that are actually done in training and sold to clients. Software Engineer is the one who identifies and 'de'bugs these programs after they are delivered to the client. Which actually means, there are no projects that are actually done in Production.. this means, more revenue for the company - as it is going to be a mere cut-copy-paste job, for the others.. :)

Coming back to the story. Our Coder goes into production with a lot of hope, but is made to sit on bench for more than 3 months. Frustrated by this, he decides to 'expose' this indifference shown to his genius and goes into a posting spree. Not blog posts.. but on various bulletin boards in his company. The language of his posts turns out to be sarcastic, and one Department head reads this. He decides to be the one who should give gyaan to the coder. So he calls up this coder and asks him to come to his cubicle. In the cubicle, a la Jerry Maguire transformation happens over our Coder, and he gives fully filtered, 100% Gyaan..seeing which the Department head gets all tensed up and gives access to the Project 'Pinacle' (code named 'Nadir' for internal reporting purposes)

Project 'Pinacle' was a simple Banking Project. There were just 30 million lines of code built into it. It was rumoured to consist of about 7 million files, of which about 6.5 million files did not contain comments/explanation/version history.

The job of our coder was to understand the flow,(which ironically nobody knew), document it, and of course, comment the code, appropriately.

First day into the job, Full of enthu, the coder skips his breakfast and lunch, and by evening, he has finished one file. One File !!! His department head comes with one of his colleagues, to his cubicle, and points to him and says,
'This chap, you won't believe is one of our most talented coders. He's already finished one file, in 6 hours, right ?'
'Er.. Yes Sir..'
'Good, so when can I expect the document ?'
'Which document Sir ?'
'Arey Baba, the Process flow wala..'
'Yes Sir.. Yes Sir..I will send it as soon as I finish it.'
'O.K.. Have a great weekend.. See you on Monday..'

The file has not even been compiled till now. Its just been commented. So at 11 in the night, our coder decides to compile the code. First 10 minutes he struggles to get the shortcut key for compile. Finally he gets it. I mean the shortcut to compile.

'Ctrl + F9' and 10 seconds later the second floor of building 10 hears unheard unparliamentary words.

'The Code was Red !!!'

To be Continued...

P.S:- My attempt at technical humor.. Might be as well just a damp squib. So if this was a mokkai, kindly excuse.. :) :D

Saturday, May 22, 2010 by Hari
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