The IT Vote Bank !!!

Well Well Well, the Dynasty Family's Power Hungry Patriarch is really really worried..

The reason being ...

Every time the elections are around the corner, Loyola College conducts a [useless]'survey'.[Basically the whole survey is an eyewash (according to me)]. And somehow what I find ridiculously funny is that how come Loyola College does not perform a survey on the 'effectiveness of governance' or 'how happy are the people with the govt.' etc.. ?? Obviously the Ruling Party is not giving them enough money for all this I suppose.

One Daadi-Mama will come during Election time and 'announce' the results of the survey with such intensity and seriousness that one would think that he is the Governor and is calling upon the Majority Party to form the government. And these surveys are usually soooooo hyped. And of course, lopsided.

Anyway coming back to the point,
This year (because the TN elections are due next year) the survey was conducted and the rumor has it that the Ruling Party has been totally displeased with the results.

The results are totally against the Ruling Party and has clearly predicted that this might be the last term that the Patriarch might be holding. [alive].

The survey is rumored to have disclosed the fact that the Municipalities and the Urban Areas of Tamil Nadu are totally displeased with the Ruling Party's functioning and the scams that they have caused and are hell bent on showing them the door.

As for the villages, they are still floating on the 'color' dreams that they showed them in the last election. Apparently they are still strong on the rural front. Of course they will be. Rationalists aren't they ??

As a result of which the Patriarch has had to don his thinking cap [forget the fact that his shiny head reflects off any common sense or rationalism or good will directed at him] and has devised some absolutely marvelous, fantabulous and mind-fuck schemes to lure the voters. And these are as follows ...

1.) Government will be constructing 'Bachelor-Accommodations' on the Tambaram-Madurantakam stretch. This is to ensure that the hard(ly) working Software Engineers can be closer to office and work even hard(ly). These accommodations will be constructed block-by-block. Booking will be done on a random basis by picking out of a lot.

For your names to be included in the pot, you will have to have the following qualifications ....

1.) You should be able to recite atleast half of Kuraloviyam or Ponnar-Sankar.
2.) You should be able to eloquently speak the dialogues of Manohara and Parasakthi, just like the way Sivaji Ganesan did. Especially the 'ஓடினேன் ஓடினேன் ...வாழ்கையின் ஓரத்திற்கே ஓடினேன் !!!' part. It has to be convincing.
3.) You should be a member in the Youth Wing of the party which is headed by the 60 year old Patriach's son.
4.) You should be a henchman or a goon or a hire-for-kill hitman and have 'pottufied' atleast 3 people for the party.
5.) You should have contributed atleast 3 lakhs for 'upliftment' of the party.
6.) You should be a staunch 'rationalist' who wears a yellow towel and poops on Paapan's in the state.

If you do not have any of the criterias ... never mind, you can afford to wait for another 10 years.

The apartment blocks will be constructed using Hollow Blocks. They are easy to pile on and cement and will be even easier for the Corporation Bulldozers to bring them down in case Subramanian Swamy raises this is SC and SC objects to this. You see we think long term.

Each block will have its own TASMAC shop and outsiders will not be given first preference.

2.) Half the current population in Chennai is made up of Software Engineers. Almost 75% of these Software Engineers are working in 'remote-locations' [read villages about 60 kms away from 'The City'] and hence spend a lot of time travelling. He has calculated the average time in bus/train to be approximately 2.5 hours everyday. The best way to cover this vote bank is ...

'Free iPod !!!'

O.K. Don't start dreaming. He is quoting logistics and is saying that it will not be possible to provide people with 80GB iPod Classics and all. So it will be a 1GB iPood.

Yes. You read that right. It will be an iPood. A Fake China Made imitation that costs only about Rs.100. So What ??? You are getting your share of entertainment for free.. right ???

Also comes bundled with the iPood is the audio version of Kuraloviyam, Ponnar Sankar and of course a collection of best dialogues from Parasakthi. These are perhaps his only worthy contributions in his literary career spanning 7 decades. (A pity, isn't it). If you start protesting, we will ensure that we also bundle it in his voice. If that scares you, you'd better don't protest.

And of course it will look like this...

3.) Also because these Software Engineers travel a lot, it is necessary for them to cut the costs of travel. Hence the Government will offer Software Engineers with
F R E E B U S & T R A I N PA S S E S

The passes can be used anywhere in Chennai, right from Avadi to Tirumalpur !!!
You can get on any bus (except AC) anywhere and get off anywhere.
No Questions asked !!!

If anybody questions, just show them the pass. The Pass will be issued to the Software Engineers at their own company premises on the submission of a xerox copy of their ID Cards and a 200 word article in Tamizh on 'Why they think the current Ruling Party will win the elections'.

This offer is valid only for Software Engineers who have taken Tamizh as their Second Language in Plus Two.

Needless to stay, North Indians who don't have a Tamil Nadu Voter ID Card are not eligible for this offer.

4.) All land registered by Software Engineers south of Tambaram within one month from the date of posting of this blog-post will be waived off the registration fee. Basically since you will be buying the land from us,
[technically speaking, those contractors and agencies are none other than our binaamis and all the land south of Tambaram is owned by henchmen and goondas who are 'sons-of-the-party' and 'udanpirappukal'],
it is only fitting that we give you some discount, and also you are giving us a wonderful opportunity to convert all our black money into white money at no-extra cost. This is the least we can do to be grateful.

5.) All the bus and train passes issued will contain an extra page with a row for every day of the month. This is basically to ensure that all software engineers should have a life. Are you wondering how adding an extra page will give these SE's life ??

Basically this additional page gives the Software Engineers another chance to become the true 'kudimagans' of Tamil Nadu. What this extra page does is, offer you
'One Quarter' at TASMAC for FREE !!!
... Yes.. You read that right. I repeat ....
'One Quarter at TASMAC for FREE '
This will ensure that all Software Engineers have a life. The extra page with a row is to ensure that not more than one quarter per person is given. Also Police would be given strict orders, not the catch hold of Software Engineers who are caught driving when drunk. They will be exempted when they show their TASMAC page on the pass and their ID as proof.

Apart from these the Patriarch has also thought of some other superb schemes, which will be published shortly.

Sunday, December 12, 2010 by Hari
Categories: , , , , | 1 comment

One Comment

  1. Finished reading today, I feel the list is not comprehensive. hope you will add more as you said.

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