Archive for January 2011

When Ram Jethmalani only Talked the Talk...

Recently Ram Jethmalani came up with a statement that had me in splits. The man (I think he is becoming senile. Someone must stop him before he starts saying, I want to defend Nathuram Godse) said...

"A person doesn't become honest by merely refusing to be bribed. He has greater responsibilities as Prime Minister... Manmohan Singh should quit; the country would be better off without him as the Prime Minister."

I am only reminded of the (in)famous Ram Jethmalani interview on Karan Thapar's Devil's advocate. Karan asks a very pertinent question,

"By taking on Manu Sharma's case, is Ram Jethmalani betraying his own principles, more importantly has he scattered all morality and ethics to the wind ?"

Ram Jethmalani's reply to the above question (after much needling and provocation by Karan) was

It's my right to take up any case.
I know why I take up a certain case. Obligation to defend a person against
undeserved vicious onslaught by the media which is subverging criminal justice and the whole criminal process.

I am going to keep it a short post and ask just one question....

Where was the morality when it came to defending the killers of Indira Gandhi, Stock market Scamster Harshad Mehta, Ketan Parekh, Afzal Guru, Manu Sharma just to name a few...

I am sure these people were elevated souls who practised 'Jeeva-Karunya-Dharma'...

P.S: Incidently the second faux pas of the week.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011 by Hari
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Filmfare and Faux Pas...

Sometimes I wonder what on earth happens to Jitesh Pillai..
Does the pressure of running the magazine gets to him ? (or)
Do the stars throw tantrums to such an extent that he stoops low enough to arse-kiss them ?

Reason for this questions is the latest (read 19th January edition of Filmfare).

I fell off my chair, when I read this one particular line (am sorry that I am unable to reproduce in verbatim) which read,

'After the industry Pandits declared Tees Maar Khan to be a hit ...'

Gosh, I was like 'Excuse me.. what did you just say ?'
And the best part, I would have forgiven this to be a time-bound error had this come in the December issue. But this issue hit the stands after every Tom-Dick and Hari had their review of the movie out on their sites, blogs and T.V channels a full two weeks of January.

MTV went one step ahead and had TMK as its topic for an entire week.

So what caused this 'purposeful' 'Whoops' ?
Did someone tell Jitesh that they would not do interviews unless they published it ?

And who is the person who writes the comments for celebrity outfits at functions. That person seriously needs to go see some psychiatrist for sure. She (I am goddamn sure, its a she) sure needs medical attention. She rejects awesome outfits as tacky and the real tacky ones as classic. I was like LOL. :P

I guess Filmfare is now only concentrating on getting those centre-spreads (pun intended) and not on content anymore. Seriously I believe I could write better rumors than those onboard at Filmfare.

Any takers.. ??

P.S: I am not a regular Filmfare reader. I don't even read it for fashion. Their fashion sense is totally bullshit and outdated. I read Filmfare when I have really nothing else to do but to learn how not to write magazine articles.

Sunday, January 23, 2011 by Hari
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Great Parliamentary Auction - Season 1

P.S:- This is going to be a long post.

I was seeing all the IPL Auction drama and I fell from my chair, holding my sides. The last three days, I have been laughing my heart out seeing Gautam Gambhir getting picked for 11 something crores and Dada and Jayasuriya being left out of the auction itself.

And when I saw the whole IPL- 4 Auction, and the 2G 'Spectrum' Scandal, I had this wonderful thought, which perhaps another biz-whiz of a generation before me, had originally thought of. Why not a public auction for our MP's. ?? I get to select who is the ruling party. Who gets a cabinet post. Who becomes an ordinary minister. Who becomes the Speaker. etc etc...

In 2004, Outlook brought out a special series, called "What If".

It remains one of my most favorite issues till date, and I have managed to preserve it quite carefully. One of the articles "What if Harshad hadn't been caught ?"

The article starts thus... (some portions have been edited for being contextually irrelevant and brevity)

The Initial Public Offering of the Lok Sabha in early 2002 was the best tribute the nation could pay to the memory of its greatest reformer. For several years, Harshad Mehta had single-mindedly planned the IPOs. He worked out the modalities and convinced MPs that it would be to their benefit to sell themselves (that wasn't too tough actually!). He persuaded investors that owning shares in a minister made as much sense as owning shares in a software blue-chip.

His grand conception of converting MPs into corporations has been universally hailed as a stroke of genius. In hindsight, it's simple. Harshadbhai saw individual MPs as "virtual, mobile corporations," generating profits during their respective terms in office.

As Harshad saw, it is possible to use a standard capital asset pricing model to value MPs in the same way as businesses. He created a sliding scale that has lowly Opposition backbenchers at the bottom and the PM at the top, with ministers, cabinet ministers and so on in between. The 540-share Empex tracks the daily fluctuations in their value.

By buying shares in MP, investors can get a share of the profits politicians generate while government becomes self-sustaining. The MPs get the IPO proceeds and have the responsibility of generating independently audited profits.

An incorporated MP has a greater incentive to perform: inefficiency may lead to low prices or even delisting. Social equity can be built in by fixing IPO allotment quotas for SC/STs, OBCs, pensioners, etc. By ensuring that anybody could own a piece of his/her favourite politician, Harshad cleaned up the political process.

Going by the current trends of scams and scandals, I was wondering what would happen if there was actually an auction instead of an IPO...

I let my imagination run wild, and here is the result.

I have planned to call it the "Great Parliamentary Auction - Season 1".
Of course, it has a special tag line that goes with it.

Such an illustrious Tag has to be inaugurated by somebody phenomenal. Somebody who is iconic for this kind of stuff.. and viola.. Yes, I got it...
I am planning to get this inaugurated by DarkhaButt and SirVangvhi, as they have remained iconic figures in this realm. That of screwing it up...
And yes, they get to keep a small portion of the profits in this auction.

Here goes my auction list...

In what appears to be a unprecedented first, the Prime Ministership Candidate MMS has not even been considered for the bidding.

We found Mr. Singh, sobbing and sniffing away his tears during the High Tea, when the Joint Parliamentary ‘laude’d the efforts of RAJA for the windfall bestowed upon them and wished RAJA all the best for the future,

He was later consoled by the Home Minister, who had apparently not only lost his ministry but also his home.

MMS later came on the dias and spoke a few words before he broke down completely.

His last words audible on mic were, “How could you do this ji (G) ? I had so much respect for you ji (G). That’s it from me. Only 2G’s.’

When later confronted by reporters, MMS said that,
‘I don’t know why this has happened ji. We should have a JPC probe on this ji. I will ask my friends to support me ji. I also ask people of India to pray that I get a backbone very soon ji.’

For a man with such wide accomplishments, NM had a relatively quiet auction. Apparently his ‘wide-spread-arm’ invitation to the TATA’s had worked in his favor, and he was quickly and swiftly bought by the Industrial Czar for 25 Crores.

Our sources indicate that NM was disappointed at the price tag. He was also enraged at the fact that TATA had insisted on paying the entire amount in saffron bundles that arrived from the Sabarmati Express.

We are also of the opinion that TATA had snapped up NM for such a low cost so that he could be ‘worked’ and he could be utilized for creating another ‘Jaam’shedpur at Godhra in Gujarat.

We could also see Karan Thapar and his (in)famous smirk in the hallway. Apparently he is the only one who knows.

The Irony is not lost on NM.

In the absence of AB, it suddenly appears as if even LK has decided to let the BJP go astray. With literally no support from his partymen in the auction, LK was suddenly left in the lurch.

During the lunch, there was a rumor going around the room, that LK had told his partymen, to get geared to be next ruling party.

However, the youth wing issued a statement that LK had a tendency to joke and that he was now getting out of hand. They even suggested that he must take part in The Great Indian Comedy Circus – Parliament Season.

LK remains un-auctioned.

An active participant in the politics of the nation, surprisingly the congress president refused to be part of the GPA – S1.

Her remark was that “Caeser’s wife should be above suspicion.’

Though it did raise eyebrows and set the pens writing forward as to who was the Caeser she was referring to, and what was the suspicion she was referring to, We have a nagging doubt that the G, Raj was talking about could be her.

Another Surprise in this Auction was that the Patriarch refused to be picked up.

The normally (un)stable and (in)sane Patriarch for once refused to be silenced by his party co-workers who were, incidentally, not allowed to be at the Auction location.

He even went to the point of abusing the security guards in Tamil and when confronted, laughed off saying that the guards were like his own ‘sons’…
At one point of time, he openly expressed his displeasure at the fact that “(I) am being ignored because I am a Dalit and a Tamilian at that.”

The show was not yet over for the DMK Patriarch. Staying in limelight, being the aim of the Father, the sons and the daughter, he continued his strong arm tactics even inside the Auction Room.

When a North Indian Businessman tried to overtake other bidders and bid a significantly higher price, he said, “This man is an Aryan. And a Brahmin at that. I will rather go to Jail and starve than to be bought by an Aryan who is a Brahmin.”

When a Srinivasa Krishnamachary and Sons tried to bid for the Patriarch, he was clearly miffed.
“If I see a snake and a Brahmin together, I would rather kill the Brahmin than the snake. Never. Never !!!”

Apparently the drama was not yet over.
Later in the day, when Kupparasan and Brothers’ Kaayilaankadai bid for the old man, he was clearly very happy and said, ‘Finally, my blood brothers will bid for me.’

When he came to know that Kupparasan and Brothers had money only enough to buy him and not his sons, He grew angry once again. He said,
“What sort of a father example would I be setting if I got bid before them ? Would not the coming generations taunt me ? As a father should I not arrange a good bidder for my sons ? The least that Kupparasan can do is to bid for my sons and daughters as well.”

But unfortunately the Kupparasan brothers were not running a family business, and after a heated argument with the Patriarch, left the bidding scene without contesting further…

Unfortunately for the Kazhaga-Thondargal , that Good Samaritan never came. And Hence the DMK Patriarch remains unelected.

Another key point in the GPA was that Radium had decided to get auctioned.

Three bidders were vociferously bidding for her, until it was found that they were her own company men. And that the companies did not exist.

Nonetheless, there was active bidding on Radium and soon it appeared that she was going to beat all other competitors (save Raj) hands down.

Rumor has it, that Radium was on call the during the entire duration of the auction and some suspect that she was actually manipulating the auction.

However, our investor friends tell us that her USP was her confidence she essayed when she had the mobile in her hands. And that her KSA (Key Strength Area) was that even inspite of the whole 2G episode, she had enough contacts and brute power to stay out of the legal mess. Sure, she had political clout.

Clearly she was powerful than the most powerful men in the government. And who knows ? The powerful men that we talk about, might just be puppets once she starts calling them.

CelTel bought Radium for a whopping 35000 Crores, a first, considering that Radium has neither political background nor a GodFather.

When our mediaperson approached the CelTel spokesperson, it was quite clear on where the onus was.

“We are planning to use Radium as our brand ambassador to promote our yet-to-be-launched mobiles. These mobiles are very special considering that you can choose to record all your incoming (or) outgoing calls, depending on plan. The best part is, that the phone comes with 32 GB memory which can store upto 160 hours of continuous recording. Adding to that is the new ‘Radium’ Battery that supposedly lasts for more than 9 hours of continuous time…..”

RAJ has broken all records.

First time that the 10000 Crore mark has been breached for the post of the Union Minister. Something unheard of...

All corporations, right from FMCG to Software Blue Chip companies were bidding for RAJ.

Apparently, the crowd bidding for him, knew that this man was capable of earning in Lakhs of crores.

With the latest 1.76 Lakh Crores Spectrum Scam, acting as a feather in his cap, RAJ was in his buoyant mood.

Finally RAJ went to an unknown bidder, known to us, only as G.

When asked RAJ about his anonymous bidder, RAJ only smiled at the cameras a mysterious smile and said, “I am thankful ji (G).”

He was unavailable for further comments.

DarkhaButt and SirVangvhi will remain as brand ambassadors of the GPA-S1. Known for their loose talks and often insipid news items that have consistently proven that they well deserve this position and the tag line.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011 by Hari
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One dreaded call...

Today, Is a depressing day in my calendar...

I do not know why... or how... But one single call changed the mood for the entire day.. :(

Maybe I will get what I want in some other life...

Sigh.. !! Sometimes life is like that...

by Hari
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எனக்குள் ஒருவன் !!!

The last few weeks have been full of buzzing activities for me...

Leaving all those questions apart, There was one question which was forming on everybody's lips...
What is the change in Hari ?
Let me be very honest here...

There has been no change. I remain the same. It is only you who have changed. And I am showing you the 'Changed You'. So If you think, I've changed. Think Again.

I've been like this since time immemorial. There is no way I can change :).
How can something incorrigible as Hari - change ? :) :P

And BTW as a precursor to the Crappier Things I learnt at Onsite.. here goes another list...

You can call this the survival guide in this world.

A 15 point survival guide !!!

Point 1:: Don't expect anything from anybody...

Point 2:: Nobody helps you out of sympathy. There is always a personal angle.

Point 3:: Everybody is selfish... Note the accusatory tone.

Point 4:: Your problems are yours. So solve them yourself.

Point 5:: There ARE no friends. Only people who want to use you for some benefits.

Point 6:: Sometimes people are not worth so much trouble. Just Ditch them and walk ahead. You'll notice the spring in your step.

Point 7:: Nobody's worth your self-respect. Don't sacrifice it. DO NOT, EVER, remain (or try to remain)friends/whatever with someone who says or thinks that they are doing you a favor by being their friend/whatever.

Point 8:: Be Selfish. If you want your wishes to be fulfilled, you'd better be.

Point 9:: When you ask questions, ensure that the answers can be only in Binary. Why a 'may-be' when a simple Yes or No can suffice. Saves a lot of headache and heartache.

Point 10:: Have your equations simple. Don't complicate. More the number of (unknown) variables, tougher the equation to solve.

Point 11:: Don't tread on someone else's personal space. And tell them not to do on yours. It could be something as simple as answering your phone call on your behalf.

Point 12:: Have expectations. But keep them simple and small. So that when they are not met, you can keep up with the disappointment. To put it in other words.
If you don't have any expectation from someone, then they don't mean anything to you. Get it ??

Point 13:: When people get along without you, you are as good as dead to them. Why scare them by walking into their lives again ?

Point 14:: When you give advice and people don't follow it. Don't fret. If things went well, don't worry. If they didn't... It was his/her mistake. You did your best. Now get to work.

Point 15:: Never regret what you did. EVER. You did what you had to do. Now get over it and start walking again. If its in your destiny, you will face it again in your life, and as the famous quote goes, "Nobody escapes their past. Nobody escapes Judgement !!!"

Well, that was some gyaan.. :)
Happy Living !!!

Sunday, January 9, 2011 by Hari
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And I thought Kapil Sibal was an intelligent man ...

I know.. How silly of me to think so... isn't it ?

Well, what else can I expect from a politician..

And he is just like other politicians. Dumb. And Corrupted to the core. Period.

Oh..!! Am I accusing Mr. Kapil Sibal ?

No No.. No .. You are getting me all wrong... Kapil Sibal is right. Of course, he is damn bloody right.

He is not bothered about the fact that there was corruption in his department. The only thing is concerned about defending is that it was not to the tune of 1.76 lakh crores. Yeah !! Sure..

And how much of that pie went into your coffers, Respectable Minster of Telecommunications and Information Technology ? And which bank please ?

I am sure, your alma mater - St. Stephen's college and Harvard Law School must be definitely be proud of the cream that they have produced.
"In his time at Harvard Law School, he demonstrated himself to be a strong scholar, the ultimate "reasonable man" in discussions, and an excellent chef "
....And I would like to add,
And during his time as the Minister for Telecommunications and Information Technology he proved himself as being a total nincompoop and incompetent Minster who was fit for nothing but being a dumb doll and being an active participant in accusatory politics. He also brought his excellent culinary skills to the fore by cooking up stories against the opposition.
Well done, Mr. Kapil Sibal.. We are Definitely proud of you,.

For a man, who has been the Additional Solicitor General to the Government of India, "stooping" to such high standards is of course expected. And of course, he has the damn bloody right to accuse the CAG of false accounting.

What is the CAG ? Just a bunch of Dumb accountants, who could not differentiate the debits from the Credits. Of course... How silly of them isn't it ?

This 'sudden' (read 'windfall') change of outset is soooo obvious. How else can he defend his party ? And especially Raja ? I am sure Raja has 'delivered' more than what Kapil expected and hence this sudden lashback. What else can you expect from him, especially when that Rs. 1500 Tablet computer is still coming on the Donkey's back ?

Either way, I am not accusing the Minister. I am just saying - it in plain words.
He doesn't have a spine. And he cannot even accept that there was a mistake. Period.
In my opinion, their Harvard Law Degrees don't matter anymore. They have erred. And must be removed.

I re-iterate- Show me one Man. ONE MAN in the cabinet who is clean. And has a backbone.

The country is being run by a bunch of spineless Tughlaqs. What a pity !!!

Saturday, January 8, 2011 by Hari
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Pasupatastra Mantra

O.K. This is really going to be a first on my blog. After innumerable requests came pouring in, and also because the Traffic to this post of my blog increased manifold, I decided it was time to bite the bullet.

I did some (read - a lot) of research and finally zeroed down to Agni Puran for information regarding Pasupati Astra. Agni Puran has about 383 chapters and talks about a lot of things, that include, the Universe, the formation of earth, Types of plants and animals, People of various continents among other things.

Of these, In chapters 317 to 326, Lord Shiva himself instructs Skanda (Murugan or Kartikeya) on the various forms to worship him. Of this, one is PasupatiAstra itself. It is actually a gana personified. Below is the text of the PasupatiAstra Mantra. It has been taken from Agni Puran.

So all those people who were requesting me for the mantra and stuff.. Here you go.

Again, a note of warning. No Mantra or Tantric practice should be started without Deeksha from a competent guru. I am not responsible for any ill-effect caused due to the recitation of the mantras produced herewith.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011 by Hari
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And Another Fantabulous Year Came to an End ...

Another year came to an end yesterday. And in fact an Entire Decade. Before I start my ramblings on the year(decade) that went by, Let me get the annual results out.

Started the year with 17K figure and with a whopping 21K pageloads, (a total that surpasses the total pageloads of all the years before), the figure now reads close to 38825. There were personal peaks (no pun intended. :P) in April, May and December.

August was a lull because I was in India during that time and unfortunately not blogging.

Below stats show the MoM Results of the year gone by. Previous Year

Quarter 4 has been the best in terms of many factors.

New Template

Newer Controversies
(Er.. I meant the RadiaGate and MMS issues.
No that was not some scandal that you missed on Debonair blog,
MMS stands for ManMohanSingh)

IndiBlogger Involvement among other things.

Was a fantastic year. Here is a (well) small list of things that I did last year. :)

Came face to face with Abu Simbel.
Saw the treasures of TutanKhamun.
Swam in the Red Sea (Ain Sokhna).
Deep-Sea Dived in the Arabian Sea (Sharm El Sheikh).
Had an NDE.
Visited the Pyramids.
Great Library and Catacombs At Alexandria
Had plenty of Sugarcane juice (among other things :P) when in Cairo
Learnt some Really decent Arabic.
Did plenty of Haggling and bargaining over souvenirs. (till we almost got kicked out)
Knew every nook and corner of Khan-el-Khalili Market.
Rode a Felukka ! At midnight !! Many Times over !!!
Watched Kaathal Pagadai,Kai-Alavu-Manasu + Emotional Atyaachar Season 1 & 2 :P
Reviewed (as in ate and commented :P) many Indian restaurants in Cairo
Tasted Egyptian Cuisine (add Lebanese,Turkish, Thai and Chinese as well)
Took some mind blowing Pictures off my H10.
Completed, what I call as my Magnum Opus !! The 18-Day-Mahabharata-War !!!
Learnt that its possible for a vegetarian to survive even in places like Cairo :P
Took a photo with a singing legend !!! (P.B.Shreenivas) :)
Merlion Lion and Singapore Flyer. Ticked.
Did some really dirt-cheap shopping and haggling in Little India and China Town.
Learnt how not to traverse by foot to save time and to use really quick modes of transport
Bought myself an awesome PMP.
And yes of course, last year alone,
I increased my Media Storage capacity by an Additional 1.5 TB
:) :D

So Looks Like I am living my dream out here.. :) :D What about you.. ???

Saturday, January 1, 2011 by Hari
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What a Start to the Year !!!!

Could not have asked for a better start for the day ...

This is what Tughlaq had on its cover for its edition this week. And I literally fell over the chair laughing...

செம்ம கலாய்... இந்த பொழப்புக்கு !!!!

For those of you who cannot understand Tamizh.. Sorry folks not translating it... This one deserves to be read in Tamizh ... !!!!

by Hari
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