I wrote the below post for a magazine initiative run in my organization for Valentine's Day ....
As much as I would love to wax eloquently on ‘Love-is-in-the-air’ and ‘Cupid-and-his-arrows’ syndrome, come to accept it - Valentine’s day is the most dreaded day in the lives of committed men.
Valentine’s Day is synonymous with gifts and Gifts are aka Confusion. You have to be careful about your gift.
Here are the rules,
a.) It must make her happy and surprised.
b.) It must appear as if you’ve made some effort to get the gift.
c.) It should make her say, “How-Cute”. If you can get her to say that. Ahem Ahem. Half the battle is won.
d.) It must be wrapped neatly and tastefully.
e.) It must be presented where she least expects it to be presented. But don’t misconstrue the statement.
f.) Last but not the least; it must not remind her of your mom.
Keep the last rule, in Font-Size 48, ticker-taping in your head.
Another one of my friends has this huge grudge of Shahrukh Khan. He used to trash SRK at the drop of a hat. One fine day, (read night) we decided to make him reveal why he hated SRK so much. So after 4 rounds of Vodka, out came the truth.
“Arey… All this Valentine’s Day and stuff is sham, man. They were never shipped from Western countries. You know who brought all this to India? Shahrukh Khan!!!”
For a second, all of us looked at each other. SRK? Seriously?
He continued, “He was the one who brought in these Non-Bank-Holidays. If it wasn’t for Dil to Pagal Hai, or Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Mohabattein, would you or I know about this, ‘Rose-Day’, ‘Friendship Day’, and ‘Chocolate-Day’, ‘Valentine’s day’?”
Man, he did have a point. I never knew Alcohol made you sober.
But why did he have a grudge on SRK?
“Seeing his movies, my girlfriend began to increase her expectations from me. She wanted me to go to only SRK movies. Buy SRK merchandise. She even wanted me to change my name to Raj. And that’s when we broke up.”
Needless to say, the rest of the evening, my friend spent sobbing.
I’ve had the opportunity many times to be the ‘Agony-Uncle’ for my friends. Once my friend came up to me and asked me for gift advice.
“Get her Xperia. She will go gaga”
“She is not a geek”
“Hmmm... How about a custom made dress by a fashion designer?”
“Done last year.”
“First gift I gave her...”
“Spa/Beauty Parlour gift voucher…?”
“Her sister has got it from her husband last year, so she will think I simply copied the idea.”
“How about a hand-made greeting card?”
“I failed in my Arts-And-Crafts course at school dude…”
“Wrist watch? Hand bag?”
“All options exhausted buddy”
Then I came up with (in my opinion) a brilliant idea, “How about sponsoring her shopping expenses for one single day?”
My friend hasn’t spoken to me since.