Archive for May 2011

Those Turshi Days !!! - 3

This happened somewhere in 2001.

We had a very interesting teacher for Physics. No names here. He was a very very nice person and had great love and affection for his students.

His teaching style was different. Atleast that's what he thought. Honestly, he was no different from any other teacher.

During the start of the academic year, to us, he was a new teacher. He was trying to know our names and trying to impress us.

The first lesson in Physics was Measurement and S.I Units.

Now all of these SI Units had a definition. These definitions were really important from the exam perspective. So when he was teaching the lesson, he made sure, he told us what questions were important and how important they were.

During the course of the lesson, he used to regularly point out people and make them answer his questions.

It was one of those days...

He was in a bad mood, and was looking at some sort of an outlet.

The moment he entered the class, he said, "Hey you, last bench, Yes, You. Sitting next to V, get up."
"What is Mass...?"
"What sir sir ? I am asking you... Define Mass."
"Sir... Errrr..."
"Sir... Errrr..."
"All of you, get out of the class. Kneel down and learn the definition."

Finally V also had to leave the class. His ego and anger now massaged, my Physics sir was more relaxed now.

20 minutes passed. Now my Physics sir felt that the guys outside, missed a lot of the theory and wanted to bring them inside. So he said,
"S ??"
"What is mass ?"
S gave the text book definition of mass and its SI unit. Sir let him inside the class.
"What is mass ?"

Repeat of S.

Now it was V's turn. He was not an ordinary guy. Filled with lots of cynicism and sarcasm, especially towards the education system. A little bit of an attention seeker as well. Very intelligent though. One hell of an entertainer as well.

So the question came to him. The bell was about to ring. We all knew that. So V decided it was time for some real entertainment.

"So.. ? V...? Tell me... What is mass."
"What is mass... ?"
"You can't hear of what ... I asked you what is mass... ?"
"Sir .. Mass is..."
"Yes, V tell me.. Mass is..."
"Sir... Mass is..."
"You are right V... Continue, Mass is.. ?"
"Sir.. Mass is Kilogram"

I am leaving out the other details of what happened. And how embarrassed our Physics sir was with the answer.

But this continues to be the most standard refrain of anybody who studied with me during 2001. We ROTFLOL using this statement.

Thursday, May 19, 2011 by Hari
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पीर मेरेया जुगीनिजी !!!

I came across this video from Youtube. Coke Studio. Sung by Arif Lohar and Meesha.

The music is mind blowing and the lyrics even better.
What energy and What profound meaning... !!!!

The video and the lyrics below...

Alif allah chambay di booti, tey meray murshid mann vich lai hoo
Ho nafi uss baat da paani dey kay
Har ragaay harjai hoo
Ho joog joog jeevay mera murshid sohna
Hatay jiss ay booti lai ho

My master has planted the fragrant seed of love in my heart
Which flourished with modesty, piety and acceptance of his existence
My God is present in every throbbing pulse
My spiritual guide is ever-present
The one who blew life into me

Pir meraya jugni ji
Ae way allah waliyan di jugni ji
Ae way nabbi pak di jugni ji
Ae way maula ali wali jugni ji
Ae way meray pir di jugni ji
Ae way saaray sabaz di jugni ji
Dum gutkoon, dum gutkoon, dum gutkoon, dum gootkun… karay Saeein
Parhay tay kalma nabi da Parhay saeein pir merya

I have the spirit of my guide
The spirit of all the messengers who brought His message to this Earth
The spirit of Holy Prophet
The spirit of Ali and his followers
The spirit of my saint
The spirit of all his words
Everytime I think of you God, my heart flutters
So I recite the kalma whenever I think of God

Jugni taar khaeein vich thaal
Chad duniya dey janjaal
Kuch ni nibna bandiya naal
Rakhi saabat sidh amaal

O my creation, share whatever you have
Remove yourself from worldly concerns
There is nothing that you can get from other human beings that you can take to the after-life
Just keep you actions and intentions pure

Jugni dig payee vich roi
Othay ro ro kamli hoi
Oddi vaath naye lainda koi
Tey kalmay binna nai mildi toi

So absorbed was the creation that she stumbled into a ditch
There she wailed relentlessly
But there was no one who enquired about her
Remember, there is no salvation for anyone without remembering your creator

Ho wanga charha lo kuriyon
Meray daata dey darbaar dian
Ho naa kar teeya khair piyari
Maan daindiya galaryaan
Din din talhi juwani jaandi
Joon sohna puthia lariyaan
Aurat marad, shehzaday sohney
O moti, O laa lariyaan
Sir da sarfa kar naa jairey
Peen prem pya lariyan
O daatay day darbaan chaa akho
Pawan khair sawa lariyan

Put on your bangles, girls
Those that you get at your Master’s shrines
Daughter, don’t be proud of your youth
Your mother scoffs and scolds you
That with each passing day, your youth slips by
Even gold when put in the furnance moulds itself, there is absolutely no permanence
Women, men are like so beautiful
Like pearls, like the gems
Those who are not self-centered
They are the ones who truly love the humanity
Whenever you visit the darbar of any saint
God fulfils all your wishes and showers you with his blessings

O wanga charha lo kuriyon meray daata tey darbar diyan
O wangha charha lo kuriyon meray daata tey darbar diyan
Dum gutkoon, dum gutkoon, dum gootkoon, gootkoon gootkon

Put on your bangles, girls … Those that you get at your Master’s shrines
Put on your bangles, girls … Those that you get at your Master’s shrines
Jugni ji Jugni ji Jugni ji…

Super... :)
Loving it...

Saturday, May 14, 2011 by Hari
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/rm -rf OsamaBinLaden

Unix says it best: chmod +x /bin/laden
"Well, at least he got to see the royal wedding."
"But he won't get to see who wins Idol."
"Hope he doesn't have any Horcruxes"
"Donald Trump is still asking for his long form death certificate."
☑ Saddam Hussein ☑ Osama Bin Laden ☐ Internet Explorer
BREAKING NEWS: Chuck Norris has just returned from Pakistan.
"R.I.P Osama Bin Laden - World Hide And Go Seek Champion (2001 - 2011)"
"It's like a Snape kills Dumbledore kind of thing."
"Apparently Obama’s birth certificate was Bin Laden’s last horcrux."
Apparently, Elton John will be playing at Bin Laden's funeral, performing his classic song 'Sandals In The Bin'.
The awkward moment when you realise that Osama Bin Laden made 7 Horcruxes.
So Osama is finally dead. Shall we have another bank holiday?
It's amazing what the Americans can do when the Playstation Network is down
Bin Laden's last words: 'I knew I shouldn't have signed up for Foursquare.'
How many fish did they have to feed to those seals, to get them to kill Bin Laden?
Osama's fate has been SEALed
Osama RIP : Osama Rest In Pakistan
Proof enough that Pakistan is not safe :: Even Osama gets killed there.
Osama planned to escape from Pakistan when Rajini declared that he was planning a visit there.

My favorite one of all...
*COUNTER TERRORISTS WIN* respawning in 3... 2... 1...

And the most thought provoking one of all...
A Muslim friend: "Now that Osama is dead, will airports be nicer to me?"

Thursday, May 5, 2011 by Hari
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'दम मारो दम' गीत का भावार्थ !!! - Hilarious

I read this on Alok Ranjan's Blog and Facebook notes.

'दम मारो दम' गीत का भावार्थ
by Alok Ranjan

प्रस्तुत फिल्मी गीत कला और साहित्य के क्षेत्र में निरंतर हो रहे नक़ल और बलात्कार के अद्भुत समन्वय को प्रदर्शित करता है. शीला और मुन्नी जैसे सुपरहिट आयटम गीतों की सफलता की चाह रखने वाले गीतकारों और संगीतकारों ने अपने आयटम गीतों से बाज़ार को भर दिया है. नक़ल की इस दौड़ में 'दम मारो दम' गीत एक शर्मनाक उदाहरण प्रस्तुत करता है जो आने वाले कई वर्षों तक श्रोताओं के मन में वमन (vomit) करने की इच्छा उत्पन्न करता रहेगा. साथ ही साथ इसने श्रोताओं के दिल पे राज करने वाले 'हरे कृष्णा हरे राम' के मौलिक (original) 'दम मारो दम' गीत के साथ क्रूरतापूर्वक साहित्यिक बलात्कार भी किया है.

धन्य है वो गीतकार जिसने एक ही गीत में दो जघन्य अपराधों को इतनी सफाई से अंजाम दिया है. गीतकार के द्वारा पहले लिखे गए गीतों का मैं कायल रहा हूँ. पता नहीं किस मज़बूरी में आकर उसने ऐसे गीत की रचना की! कहीं उन्होंने श्री रामगोपाल वर्मा जैसे दिग्गजों के साथ उठना बैठना तो शुरू नहीं कर दिया.

Aa.aa aww...

Phir Dekh Raha Hai
Aaj Aankh Sek raha hai
Kal haath Seekega
Aaj Dheel Choda Raha hai
Kal Khud hi tokega
Aaj Mere liye Chair kheench raha hai
Kal Meri Skirt Kheenchega
Kheeche ga ki nahin ? hmm... ?
गीत की शुरुआत एक स्त्री द्वारा यौन संसर्ग के भूखे पुरुषों पर टिप्पणी से होती है. एक नज़र में लगता है कि ये शब्द पुरुष की मानसिकता का गहरा मनोवैज्ञानिक सत्य उजागर करते हैं. फिर अगले ही पल अहसास होता है कि वह स्त्री खुद ही ज़्यादा इच्छुक है. वह अपनी इच्छा का दायित्व पुरुष पर लादते हुए अपने भावनाओं को बड़े ही सस्ते और छिछोरे ढंग से व्यक्त करती है. पर धैर्य रखें! सस्तेपन और छिछोरेपन के इससे भी ज्यादा ऊंचे शिखर आगे के शब्दों में स्पर्श किये गए हैं.

Aakkad bakkad Bambay bo
Aassi Nabbe Poore Sau
Sau rupaye ka Dum jo lun
Do sau gum ho udan Chhu

Phir kyun main tu
kar rahe Tain Tu....
इन शब्दों का न कोई मतलब है ना इस सन्दर्भ में सार्थकता. बस इतना पता चलता है कि नायिका की मनोवैज्ञानिक दशा बड़ी खराब है. नशा करके वो अपनी पीड़ा भूलने का प्रयत्न करती है.

Unche se uncha banda,
potty pe baithe nanga..
Phir kaahey ki society,
saali kaahey ka paakhanda..
Bheje se kaleje se, kaleje ke khaleje se
Mit jaaye hum, maroge toh jiyo bhi dum maaro dum.
ये शब्द घटियापन के माउंट एवरेस्ट हैं. कई लेखकों को लगता है कि मल, मूत्र और सेक्स से सम्बंधित बेमतलब की टिप्पणियाँ करने से उनके लेखन में गहराई आती है. उनके लेखन से ऐसा महसूस होता है कि सड़क की गंदी नाली खुद में समुद्र जैसी विशालता की कल्पना कर बैठी है. पर सच्चाई यह है कि नाली में गोते लगाकर आप मोती नहीं पा सकते, सिर्फ पैर गंदे कर सकते हैं.

यहाँ गीतकार की बात से भी ऐसा ही लगता है. वो चाहता क्या है? यही कि ऊंचे बन्दे शौच में कपडे पहनकर बैठें? क्या इससे सोसायटी ज़्यादा प्रामाणिक और बेहतर बन जायेगी? क्या सोसायटी का पाखण्ड इससे कम हो जाएगा? शौच में नंगे बैठने से सोसायटी के पाखण्ड का क्या सम्बन्ध है - यह रहस्य कई श्रोताओं के सामने है.

Dum Maaro Dum
Mit Jaaye Ghum

Bolo Subha Shaam
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Hare Krishnaa
Hare Ram

Dum Maro Dum
Mit Jaye Gham
Bolo Subha Shaam
Hare Krishna..Hare Krishna
Hare Krishnaa

Hare Krishna..Hare Krishna
Hare Krishnaa
Hare Ram

Duniya ne hum ko diya kya?
Duniya se hum ne liya kya?
Hum sab ki parva karen kyun?
Sub ne hamaara kiya kya?


Dum Maaro Dum
Mit Jaye Gham
Bolo Subha Shaam
Hare Krishna..Hare Krishna
Hare Krishnaa..Hare राम
यहाँ हम पुराने 'दम मारो दम' गीत के शब्द सुनते हैं. थोड़ा आराम महसूस होता है. लगता है सूअर के बाड़े से निकलकर किसी साफ़-सुथरे बगीचे में आ गए हैं. यहाँ अंगरेजी के प्रसिद्ध लेखक मार्क ट्वेन द्वारा एक युवा लेखक पर की गयी टिप्पणी याद आती है - 'तुम्हारी रचनाएँ मौलिक भी हैं और बेहतरीन भी. पर जो हिस्सा मौलिक है वो बेहतरीन नहीं है. और जो हिस्सा बेहतरीन है वो मौलिक नहीं है.' ठीक उसी तरह इस गीत के जो शब्द अच्छे हैं वो मौलिक नहीं है, और जो शब्द मौलिक हैं वो अच्छे नहीं हैं.

Kya hai kahani Tere paap ki
Topi Hai pyare Har Naap ki
Khuli hai supermarket Baap Ki
Kya hai Pasand kaho aap ki

Andar ke bandar se ho Guftagu si ek baat
Thi jusjtu si ek baat
ho Guftgu si ek baat
फिर से इन शब्दों के साथ हम सूअर के बाड़े में प्रवेश करते हैं. इन्हें सुनकर लगता है मानो कोई सड़कछाप वेश्या किसी अय्याश अमीरजादे को उकसा रही है. कंडोम और पुरुष जननांगों के लिए बेहूदी उपमाओं का इस्तेमाल करके यहाँ गीतकार भद्दी अश्लीलता पर अपनी पकड़ को दर्शाता है. कभी-कभी तो लगता है कि कहीं वो हिन्दी अश्लील साहित्य के पुरोधा श्री मस्तराम का पुनर्जन्म तो नहीं!

Phir kyun main tu
kar rahe Tain Tu....

Unche se uncha banda,
potty pe baithe nanga..
Phir kaahey ki society,
saali kaahey ka paakhanda..
Bheje se kaleje se, kaleje ke khaleje se
Mit jaaye hum, maroge toh jiyo bhi dum maaro dum.

Dum Maaro Dum
Mit Jaae Gam
Bolo Subah Shaam
Hare Krishna..Hare Krishnaa
Hare Krishnaa..Hare raam

Dum Maaro Dum
Mit Jaye Gham
Bolo Subha Shaam
Hare Krishna..Hare Krishna
Hare Krishnaa..

Hare Krishna..Hare Krishna.
Hare ram

यहाँ फिर से हम गीत के शब्दों को सुनते हैं और मन ही मन शुक्रिया अदा करते हैं कि गीत ख़त्म हुआ. पर साथ ही एक प्रश्न की शुरुआत हमारे मन में होती है. हमारा संविधान मनुष्यों के साथ होने वाले बलात्कार पर कड़ी सज़ा देता है. पर साहित्यिक रचनाओं के साथ होने वाले बलात्कार पर कौन सजा देगा?

कॉपीराईट: आलोक रंजन



And when you are at it...
Don't forget to read his Munni Badnam Hui and Sheela ki Jawaani commentary as well.. :P :D :D

by Hari
Categories: , , , , , , , | 2 comments