On why I don't give you a fucking fuck ...


Over the past couple of months, almost everybody that I know (some of these people are like really really close) has been asking me, how do I manage to stay indifferent - with people, with things, with status-quo...

Here's some background to it -

I think I have narrated this incident earlier. So here I was looking upto someone and that person just had to screw it up by lying to me. Lie ! To me, of all people ! What did he/she think ? That I would feel jealous ? Seriously ? LOL ... So that's what I did - Ignore. For the first two years we were like the epitome of friendship and for the next two years, both of us acted as if the other person did not exist. It actually worked ! Well, we still had to see one another at regular intervals for the next 3 years - but it was always as if the other person did not exist. I kind of liked it. It gave me a different kind of one-upmanship.

Someone used to know really well (yes, it has come to that now - "know" - rather than a "friend") didn't bother to tell me the plans for his/her return. I don't usually get "hurt". I get angry. Really angry. But "hurt" ? No. I usually don't give people that "power" over me. It's a big sign of weakness, according to me - to let someone "hurt" you - especially emotionally. So here I was, badly hurt. And the person called up as if nothing happened. I was super-pissed. I didn't bother to return calls nor did I even respond to anything acidic that was said. I ignored. I found that it worked wonders for me. I don't plan to call. If you think that you have a life of your own and that you don't need any sort of support from your friend (read me) - good for you. If you did not find me worthy enough to tell me of your travel plans (of all the things in life, a goddamn travel plan - a planned travel at that) or any other thing that may be happening in your life - you probably don't deserve me/my friendship. And if you mail me back with that crap on - "How I have been the one who's acting like a jerk and treating you badly and how you've been putting up with me all these years" - you know what I am going to do.
I'm simply do a BP meme, shrug and I.G.N.O.R.E

The third story is relevant to a colleague - two infact. One was pissed off with me that I ticked him/her off on a social network. And I was pissed off with the other - for not letting me know the news of his/her engagement. In both cases the expectations were high - not just because they were colleagues. I followed my usual method and lo, guess what ? They were the ones that were now anxious to talk. One has kind of patched up but I (still) have blocked him/her on Facebook. For the other one, the silent treatment continues and it will continue. :)

Then there are these three people (all have found a mention in my blog earlier). I tried to be nice to them. Did them some favors. Not that I expected anything out of that. Can you imagine this ? This one person who at one point of time, struggled to get things in place so that he/she can go abroad to study - is now acting so pricey ? WoW ! This is worshtu than that fellow in my college who changed after earning money. Buddy, you are not even "earning" any money. Ippovae ippadina - neeyellam sambathikka aarambicha ... sssaapppppaaa ... Its when they start acting pricey, that's when it kind of "hurts" and that is where I rush to fill in my theory.

Here is the secret - I have this "compartment theory". When I feel that someone has gone beyond the line that I've drawn for them or I simply cannot stand that person's presence - I simply put them in a box, close the lid and act as if they did not exist ! It helps me a lot in
-deferring anger, frustration and cursing to a later point.
-now that I've started ignoring them - their life updates don't mean anything to me. So that's a lot of FB and Twitter noise cut down.
-in making sure I'm living "MY" life the way I want to live. Ensuring that I'm living it really well.
-the belief that "I existed before I got to know them. I have survived even after cutting contacts with them. And I will survive, no matter what."

It may be difficult initially, especially if you are the kind that likes to talk to other people about their misgivings and make them see the light of day. If you are someone like me - who is not easily hurt and gives it back, Principal and Interest and find it difficult with a particular person, use this theory.

The major advantage that I have up my sleeve is - I never forget. So when I open that compartment - a flood of memories comes with it. And in that flood, I find the reason why they were put in that compartment. Its kind of accumulative anger and it only grows - the more its kept in the compartment. I kind of like the fact that my anger feeds on time. If you ever piss me off - remember to apologise to me, before its too late. I have an expiry date for everything except anger. It kind of helps me a lot in anger management. Also helps me remind that I am a far calmer person than what I think I am, only if I can hold on to this compartment.

Actually the above list is almost the entire list of all the "friends" that I actually have and it does not come as a surprise to me that almost "ALL" of them are in the compartment now. :) Well, they deserve to be. You are living your own life, isn't it ? Its rosy and nice isn't it ? Enjoy and Make Hay when the sun shines. Go ahead, unfriend/unfollow me - I don't give a fucking fuck. You want me in your life, you will have to prove that you deserve it. I'm living the dream, tough luck that you are not a part of it.

P.S - Thanks to my "support system" - my own "wall" - You seriously rock !

Wednesday, July 18, 2012 by Hari
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